old interviews & activity - summary

The links to the past ... for the future ...

Interviews:

DEVIAN

ANCIENT

HORROBLE

EQUITANT

ORTHANC

MYRKGRAV

WALLACHIA

MORDICHRIST

WICKED LITTLE DOLLS + video

An exhibition that had the purpose to promote good intentions, good ideas and behavioral change through beauty. You can't fight violence with violence. Just a thought ...
I thank again all those who participated.

Animals to love

CAIN DA BRETH our dear friends from Prague.
Happy for their first album release
Their first interview in Romania with 4arte [in Romanian]

Music ...

I would also like to thank Mordichrist for the vinyl and t-shirt that we greatly treasure.
And to our dearest friend Lars of Myrkgrav for the many CDs that we could send to the Norwegian Embassy in Romania, to the Scandinavian Languages Department at UBB university in Cluj Napoca, to MetalAct webzine for contest and all across the globe.
Thanks go out for dear Lars of Wallachia for our continuous cultural exchange. ;)
And to Alin of Martolea for the many CDs that we could use to promote a Romanian talent.
And to Cain Da Breth for their absolutely beautiful album, uniquely presented in the pages of a book, a poetry book of lyrics, that we could send to the Czech Republic Embassy in Romania.
Thanks to crazy LuCi for the Horroble CDs and t-shirts that are in the possession of some lucky contest winners and of course my protective possession. [that's me in that picture, yes ...]
And to my special Scareifina for my dearest top Wicked Little Dolls.

A special thank you is for all those that can stand me.

I am so impulsive, so disturbed, so pure, so evil, such a sadist and sometimes such a masochist, so impatient, so impossible to be with, so cruel, but still there are a few people that see in me a savior of souls.
I'm an angel, but your devil and punisher, I'm the one that does not understand you, that hates your weakness and your half ideas, I am thought and action, I am bliss for those worthy.
The best way to get along with me is not seeing me very often.
And Red is my color.

old beginning ...

I sometimes think about what I want to write, words arrange themselves beautifully into my head, all makes sense and seems appealing for a curious eye. But when sitting in front of the silent window to the world, in front of the new world's typer, all vanishes. I can't find the way to make sense ...

I must have given up a long time ago on meaning otherwise I have no excuse. Just running around in a space dedicated to science, spending my time and thoughts into manifestations of life that don't need so many words and definitely don't have the meaning I was used to searching for. I might be wrong in my attempt of trying to say in many words a simple fact, trying to go back to the old days of poetry and philosophy, and that point is ... time is not on my side... and I forgot myself somewhere along the way.

The Rolling Stones - Time is on my side



Memories of myself...

We usually gather memories on external hard drives, sometimes in print. It's not a legacy of our past the habit of owning a treasure box, it's a legacy of those who knew they can make a business out of it.

I see some of my picture-memories only as facts, proofs of a reality I was part in at some point in life. But I don't actually need them. I never look at pictures to remember those bits and pieces of life, everything is just perfect in my head, there are moments that slip through your fingers when you try to grab the camera and capture them.

Things I remember when talking about this ...

The Apocalyptica concert in Prague, 2007, when, together with Monika and Sam, we went to the secondary entrance to wait for the band and have the CD signed. It was so much fun.

That Apocalyptica album had a strange color and when Eicca came out, I started a little chat with him, but I wasn't mocking him... I simply asked why is the CD pink. And everyone one around me, including him, said it's purple; like I made a huge mistake. Well, my mistake. He said they're not so much into darkness anymore.

Eicca is quite tall, the drummer quite small - he actually didn't want to let the beer out of his hand to sign the CD, but then he eventually gave up on his luggage and pass it on to the left hand.

The other girls where a bit shocked that I wasn't treating the kings like kings, they were all taking pictures with them and at some point D. said that we should take a picture too, but just the four of us, not with the band, so Monika asked the girls to take a picture of us and the band could not move forward until we were done. You know, decent people don't ruin the picture of others.

When Antero Manninen appeared, no one noticed him or maybe he's just too old and uninteresting. I went after him and while signing the CD he said like with a sigh "you are the only one". I'm not sure if he was referring to the fact that I was the only one to notice him or the only one to buy the CD. ...still a mistery...

The show was great, perfect sound, the boys were kind enough to show themselves partially undressed.

Talking about this, I remember the Skyforger concert in Cluj. After the concert was over, I was taken "backstage" by a crew member to have the vinyl signed. Half the band were just in their underwear, preparing for the shower. I'm smiling now as I remember this. I have no pictures of this moment, it would have ruin it completely.

My point is - I don't need them for personal use. What I do like are pictures of myself, they're not like memories, they are just images, just a moment in time, in a time that has absolutely nothing to do with them... or with me in the present ...

... a year ago ...

gender issues

It's crazy that not long ago women couldn't vote, seems unreal to me. But nowadays, it seems just as crazy that women somehow try to be like men. They deny their gender in social and professional activities just so they'll be equal to men and have no gain based on the fact they're women [not that they should have, but some motivate their shift in gender perspective with this idea].

There are obvious genetic differences to start with. But my point is not to prove that we are not equal, just that we could at least accept that we are different. And there's nothing wrong with that. We are all different at a personal level, therefore some things should not be categorized so broadly into genders or blamed on gender.
If you feel like a woman, if you define yourself as a woman, if you find a word for who you are, there's nothing wrong with that.
But when you feel like it's wrong to call yourself a woman, to describe yourself like that, in comparison to a man, then you have a gender issue.
Being equal to men doesn't mean that we have to stop being women or blame the woman-idea that we get from the society as we grow.

Personally, I find it hard to repress the need for some of the things I'm used to - being spoiled, treated gently. But this is not something I like or need because I am a woman, these are natural feelings that anyone can have.

A person is so much more than just a gender, an emotion, an attitude. We are complex and often have mixed feelings. I know I am like that - I like doing sports, hanging out with the boys, being rough on the field, but then again, you will find me at the spa, having a massage, a facial treatment, buying dresses, laughing with the girls, crying over some stupid thing or sometimes not being able to feel a thing, not giving a damn about anyone or anything, not wanting babies, being selfish, loving to have own personal rituals and so on. I fluctuate between extremes of whatever you want to call it - good and evil, male and female, rough and gentle ...
A lot of you could fit in this description regardless of your gender.

I don't have the knowledge, the studies or the experience to pretend I'm right. It's not something I want to clarify in a few lines in a blog. But after all, everything is mixed up, all our approval or denial is influenced by a context in society. And then, all these ideas can get blurry ... when do you draw the line? What is or is not normal for you as a woman [ genetically] to do or not do in a social life [interacting with men and women] and in a professional life? When you strongly deny any women-like features.

I know that all these words are the result of my path, my interest in expending my views [or not], my environment, my culture and there are many people out there that can't digest such a perspective due to many reasons. Therefore I can't inflict my truth upon others - I like who I am and I won't give up on the things I like regardless of how they are judged by others. You know that saying: we can't choose our relatives, but we can choose our friends.

... closer to the dreams

Sometimes you just hate what you do, but you have to do it. It's always something else that would be so much better and enjoyable to do. ...
Maybe it's not always so bad to stick to that path that you're on as long as you keep your dream ahead of you. Yes, you should have a plan for everything and know your next move and where it will get you, but you probably experienced so far that it's not always like that. Because there are so many others that can influence your life. And the job you hate might just take to place you've dreamed to get to.

Some practical advice that I've picked up along the way - stop complaining and start working on the change you want to see in your life.

Go to work, come home, eat, sleep a half an hour, get up and start building that other business that you want to have, those other skills that will take you where you want to go. It's either just a dream or a dream coming true.

... I'm working on it.